Courtesy Photo Love and courage mark the gravesite where Gail Pumphrey and her three children are buried.

She meticulously documented her ex-husband's record of drug use, infidelity and ongoing physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

She sought the help of domestic violence counselors.

And, perhaps most importantly, she arranged meetings at a police station to exchange her three children for visitations with their father.

Her record of reliability in protecting herself leaves her family wondering what led Gail last Thanksgiving to a secluded Montgomery County park where David Peter Brockdorff killed her and their three children before turning the gun on himself.

Since the tragedy, Janet Blackburn has relentlessly worked to piece together the last hours of her sister's life.

Blackburn, who has hosted the family Thanksgiving dinner for the past 15 years, was expecting Gail to arrive after dropping off the children, David Brockdorff , 12, Megan Brockdorff , 10, and Brandon Brockdorff , 6, with their father.

It was to be the first time David, Megan and Brandon would not celebrate Thanksgiving at their aunt's home. The day before was the last time Blackburn saw her nephews and niece.

A custody agreement allowed Gail to be with the children until 2 p.m. on Thanksgiving before handing them off to their father for the evening.

The day before, Brockdorff called and offered Gail two more hours with the children.

This enticed Gail, said Blackburn, who listened in on the phone call.

"He caught her off guard, and he was being nice, or so we thought, to let Gail have the kids a couple of extra hours," Blackburn said. "I've never heard him so sweet."

Brockdorff proposed they change the normal exchange location at the police station in Frederick for a more convenient spot.

"That was an inconvenience for Gail, because she lived here (in Howard County), but she did it because she thought it would keep them safe," Blackburn said of the police station drop-off point.

Gail agreed to exchange the children at 4 p.m. at a park-and-ride off congested Md. 97, but she and Blackburn were suspicious.

In the past, Brockdorff would offer to allow Gail more time with the children and then complain in court that she failed to show for their scheduled exchange.

"He would set her up to try to get her in trouble with the courts," Blackburn said.

At 4:15 p.m. on Thanksgiving, when Brockdorff had yet to arrive, Gail told her sister during a phone call that she feared the proposed change was another setup.

Blackburn is not sure why her sister left the park-and-ride, nor how plans to meet at Unity Park in Montgomery County came about, but Gail called to say she was driving through Sunshine, the area where the park is located.

Hours ticked by as Blackburn waited for Gail to show up for dinner. She tried to contain the sense that her worst fears had come true.

"I hope I'm letting Gail have it tomorrow for being so inconsiderate," Blackburn recalls telling a friend as they cleaned up dinner. "I mean those were the words I used. I hope I'm going to let her have it for being so inconsiderate. And then I stopped and said, 'But she's not inconsiderate.'"

Remembering

The Pumphrey and Brockdorff families are not the only ones mourning the loss of Gail, David, Megan and Brandon.

At schools in Frederick and Howard County, where Gail and the children moved following her separation from Brockdorff, classmates lost best friends and playmates.

Students at Urbana Middle School, where David attended sixth grade last year, searched for ways to make sure their friend is remembered.

A dozen of David's closest friends toyed with hosting a flag football game or creating a memory book. Ultimately they decided to host a teen night that would bring their peers, parents and David's family together while also raising money for Heartly House, a rape, abuse and domestic violence counseling center.

Gail sought help from Heartly House in November 2004 after her husband began to use drugs, abuse her and neglect his responsibilities at home.

Leslie Pearre, David's language arts teacher, who also gave a eulogy at the family's funeral, said students wanted to honor a boy who was a friend to everyone.

"It was just so important for the kids," she said. "There's no one that can make it better ... the feeling of helplessness that we had as adults, we didn't want that to be amplified to the kids."

Many of the middle-schoolers found out about their friend's death through text messages on their cell phones.

Katharine Tobler's mother, Judy Tobler, said it was the first time she didn't reprimand her daughter for sending the sometimes expensive electronic messages.

"You never expect to have to help your child deal with something like this," Judy Tobler said.

Keeping true to their technological preferences, David's friends dubbed the teen night "4evrinr<3," text slang for "Forever in Our Heart." The message was translated onto wristbands and T-shirts that, in conjunction with their teen night, raised more than $4,000 for Heartly House.

David's friends remember him as a quiet boy who always made outsiders feel comfortable and included.

Audrey Smith, mother of classmate David Smith, recognized how hard it must have been for David Brockdorff to maintain his relationship with classmates without letting on about his home life.

"As the oldest child, he was really caught in the middle, having to juggle all those faces," she said. "He was one way with his mom, one way with his dad and one way at school. I really give him a lot of credit."

Usually noticed by adults for being mature and studious, David still knew how to have fun, although he sometimes found himself on the receiving end of his friends' antics.

Adrian Amegashie, 12, remembers the Gross Brothers, a group of four friends who mixed weird concoctions of food and drink with every intention of consuming the mixtures.

"And we'd all lick something, like a potato chip, and the last one in line had to eat it," Adrian said. "David was usually the last one so he had to eat all the stuff we all licked."

During the teen night event in late April, which included games and dancing, middle school students took home a supply of trinkets bearing the family's picture.

David's classmates have memories of Brandon, whom they have known since he was a baby, not only as the tagalong little brother, but as a boisterous child who inherited his mother's zest for life.

They joke about his wild side.

Edward Yoon, 12, once tutored Brandon in phonics, but had trouble getting the youngest Brockdorff to pay attention.

"He was really outgoing," Edward said.

That outgoing attitude translated into everything Brandon did, whether it was giving a rock-on hand signal to a restaurant waiter or reciting Elvis' "Burning Love" lyrics to staff at his elementary school, Blackburn said.

Like Brandon, Megan inherited Gail's "can-do attitude," she said.

Dubbed a "sportsy girl" by her friends, Megan was starting to turn into a young lady, her aunt said.

"She wasn't afraid of anybody," Blackburn said. "She was very confident and smart."

Megan was immensely proud of her most recent school picture, in which her budding femininity shines through.

To celebrate her 10th birthday, Megan got her ears pierced.

Shortly after, Brandon, always the little rocker, declared that he too, would pierce his ears.

All three Brockdorff children were known for making friends with classmates that others might have ignored. They were loyal and stood up for their friends.

"People in their lives were important to them," Blackburn said. "Because Gail would make sure everybody knew (she cared) and the kids were like that, too. They treasured their friends."

Gail's mission

Family members feared Brockdorff might try to harm or disfigure Gail, but no one ever suspected he would kill her or their children.

By many accounts, he was an engaged and involved father who coached youth sports teams and had a good rapport with his children and their friends.

But by August 2000, the fourth year of their marriage, Gail discovered Brockdorff had been unfaithful.

In 2003, Brockdorff was staying out all night and allowed his electrical business to deteriorate, according to a log Gail kept.

And in spring 2004, he threatened violence. Gail wrote she was fearful.

"If I asked him if he had any idea when he might have some money coming in for bills, he would blow up, get in my face and threaten to punch me, calling me every name in the book," she wrote. "By this time I had developed a very strong fear of him and felt trapped."

By November that year, Gail had sought help from Heartly House.

"She was trying all the right things to make it work and make things better because she did not want this for her children," Blackburn said. "She wanted a good life, she wanted to have a family, she really didn't want this to happen."

Within a year, Gail filed for a protective order that would keep Brockdorff away from her.

"I dropped the children off at school and went right to the courthouse to get a protective order," Gail wrote in the log. "I had no idea where I was going to stay with the kids. I just knew I had to leave."

Gail, the strong and bubbly woman, feared for her life, and according to Blackburn, that fear dictated her every move.

She did everything right and by-the-book when it came to protecting her children, Blackburn said.

Gail kept faithful to the visitation regulations mandated by the court, kept careful notes on any interactions with her estranged husband and tried to have his .22 caliber rifle -- the one he used to kill her, David, Megan and Brandon -- taken away.

At the time of her death, Gail Pumphrey 's life was looking up.

She had her own home; she was tackling life as a single mother and had plans to help other domestic violence victims, a cause her friends and family will now take up.

"She was ready to be happy again," Blackburn said. "And I could start to see my sister again."