Photo by Skip Lawrence Janice Dickson has improved her life by eliminating sugar from her diet.

On the outside, Dickson appeared healthy. Inside, she was plagued with feelings of worthlessness, incompetence, self-loathing and fear.

"Starting in my teens, the undercurrent of my life had been depression in varying degrees. By my late 20s, I was desperately depressed," said Dickson. "I had issues with anger and rage. I had dark thoughts and obsessive thoughts of suicide. I quite simply hated myself and what I saw as my weaknesses."

In addition, Dickson battled with sugar addiction, but she didn't even know if that was a real condition; she just knew she couldn't stop eating it despite repeated attempts.

"Society says if you are thin, food cannot be a problem, that you should be happy and successful. I was neither," Dickson said. "I had read so many diet and nutrition books over the years trying to find a way to feel better, but nothing worked. My instinct was that my obsession with eating sugar had a lot to do with feeling crazy." As it turns out, it did.

Book 'speaks' to her

For 10 years, Dickson had coped by using anti-depressants, but she still wasn't happy. She suffered from low self-esteem, lived with a lot of fear, and continued to feel helpless about how to improve her quality of life. Then in January 2001, she finally found the book that explained her symptoms and would inevitably re-chart her course: "The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Program" by Kathleen DesMaisons. "I knew it was written about me. Finally here was validation that yes, I could be thin and still have sugar or food as the root of my 'mental problems' and 'character flaws.'"

The book explained that she had an inherited condition called sugar sensitivity, which consists of a three-pronged biochemical imbalance. A person with sugar sensitivity has volatile blood sugar, low serotonin and low beta-endorphin. When those elements are unbalanced, it creates specific physical and emotional responses including depression, cravings and a whole host of emotional instabilities.

Dickson began following the seven-step program outlined in DesMaisons' book, which is nutritionally based. She later discovered an online community of people working the program known as Radiant Recovery. Led by DesMaisons, the free Website had support groups and information for people trying to recover using her program.

Dickson said she read posts in the online community but laid low, never brave enough to connect with anyone. She finally had all four parts of step one (relating to breakfast) down, but wasn't progressing and felt stuck.

In October 2003, Dickson summoned all her courage to make a tangible connection. "I could hear Kathleen saying, 'You cannot heal addiction in isolation,' so I took a deep breath and posted on the main forum. And then I posted every day until the end of that year," she said. "I was able to name my fear and the changes that might bring, and choose radiance anyway. I discovered that while doing the food could heal my biochemistry, it was connection with others that taught me to connect with my own self and heal my heart."

Steps continue

From that moment on, Dickson was able to continue the steps and her life changed. "I became visible in the world, finding a career in customer service and discovering that I am bright and capable of learning," she said. "I slowly became aware of what I wanted my life to look like and moved in that direction."

After reaching the seventh step, Dickson experienced a relapse, but said "I was able to keep making changes, albeit not always gracefully, and to stay connected with the community during the months of wandering. I eventually let go of judging myself and embraced the relapse as just another chapter in my recovery and I committed again to connection and recovery."

Dickson's life now is infinitely better, she said. She's been off anti-depressants for more than six years, no longer eats (or wants) sugar or refined carbohydrates and has conquered her fears. "I'm happy, healthy and productive. I've found my voice. I'm not afraid of everything. I own my feelings, trust my instincts and my body, tell my truth, listen for grace's whisper and am open to the possibilities life has to offer," she said.

"I know in my bones that doing the Radiant Recovery program and sharing my journey are the bedrock that make my life work," Dickson said. "It keeps me balanced and medication-free and moved me from functional to alive. It grants me peace in the midst of uncertainty. It frees me to believe in a world of limitless possibility."