(MSP News Services) -- Market Street, Frederick, April 4

Security cameras today identified two giant schnauzers at Brewer's Alley with slobber exceeding the legal limit for Frederick County. The slobber was not considered dangerous, but a full slobber analysis was inconclusive.

Names of the schnauzers were not released because they are minors.

MSP was at the scene interviewing diners about the incident: One diner described the slobber: "Extraordinary -- customers were slipping everywhere. Maybe it's time to re-examine the legal slobber limit for outdoor restaurants downtown." And another: "I have three slobbering dogs that are well-behaved. You get used to the spittle. I don't see what the problem is. People need to lighten up."

In a related story, a beagle and a French poodle shocked evening diners with a "romantic liaison" beneath a table at another outdoor eatery on Market Street. The violation was reported by cell phone, and authorities were dispatched to investigate. By the time emergency vehicles arrived on the scene, the deed was done, the dogs were gone.

The female poodle was described as white, with blow-dried fur and a red bow. Witnesses said they could identify the beagle in a lineup. It's suspected he's from Prince George's County.

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Twin bills recently introduced in Annapolis by Sen. Alex Mooney, R-Frederick/Washington, and the Frederick County Delegation would permit dogs to dine with their owners at Frederick County outdoor restaurants. While we're enjoying our gourmet hamburger on a spring afternoon, who doesn't relish the sight of two Great Danes getting to know each other -- as dogs do?

Mooney said that it's "a good tool to bring revenue and business to Frederick." Big dogs are big eaters of bulk stuff. Pedigrees go for the expensive fare. I guess this brings in revenue from exorbitant dinner tabs, which, in turn, raise Frederick County's tax base.

Who does not enjoy chili cheese nachos while watching Fido at the adjoining table giving himself a "bath"? And those dogs at table six? They sure have a lot to say ... to everyone.

"It's a good sense of community," Allison Levitt, owner of Two Paws Up, told The Frederick News-Post on Feb. 2. "As long as the dog is well-behaved I don't think it's an issue."

Solution: Like registering your car, you register your eating companion. If a dog owner wants to have dinner with his pet in downtown Frederick, the owner must register the animal, get licensed and carry a "well-behaved" punch card.

A "well-behaved" animal can be trained to "use the facilities" at appropriate times and places. What if dogs misbehave in other ways? Restaurant owners have authority to issue "behavior demerits."

"Hey, buddy! If your pit bull yanks another steak off one of my tables, I'll punch his card ... and ma'am, please let me see your dog's dining license again ... and I need a photo ID."

And there you have it! We're raising our tax base with registration fees, annual licensing fees and a flat fee for doggy dining punch cards. Bad-behavior demerits carry an added fine.

Friends will attest that I do love dogs and we've always had one. Some of my best friends are dogs.

... in times like these ...