In the days since March 26 when Rodriguez and his children were found dead in their Danielle Drive townhouse, a few friends and relatives have shared memories about the family's struggles in hopes that other people in similar situations might seek help.

Three months ago, Benitez told her uncle, Jose Pintero, of Texas, she didn't have a good life with Rodriguez, Pintero said. She told him that Rodriguez, 28, beat her but she didn't want to leave because she loved her husband.

Benitez, 25, also worried she wouldn't be able to survive on her own with four children, said her older sister, Angela Benitez, of El Salvador.

Pintero believes the abuse started about a year ago. Prior to that, Rodriguez treated his wife OK, he said. He wonders what problems might have caused his niece's marriage to disintegrate to the point of physical conflict.

A dangerous cycle

Stress can trigger the cycle of domestic violence, but abuse doesn't typically happen spontaneously, said Barbara Martin, chief executive officer of Heartly House Inc. The nonprofit agency provides services to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.

Domestic violence follows a predictable pattern, she said. Tension rises, explodes in a violent incident and then is followed by what is often called the honeymoon period. The abuser apologizes for the behavior and everything is calm for a time. Then tension begins rising again.

The timeframe of the cycle can get progressively shorter so that violence happens more often. The level of violence also can escalate, Martin said.

It can start with verbal abuse, such as insults. Some common ones are being told "You are dumb and fat or no one else would ever want to be with you," Martin said.

Then the abuse escalates to a pinch, a shove, breaking glass or threatening physical violence. The cycle then continues to more intense abuse and murder.

Rodriguez had threatened to kill Benitez several times, according to M. Garcia, Benitez's friend. Garcia requested her full name not be used because she fears for her own safety.

He also had nearly strangled her at least once and Benitez had sought medical treatment at a local clinic, Garcia said. Benitez had bloodshot eyes and finger marks on her neck from the strangling.

Rodriguez seemed nice to other people, but he was horrible to her, Garcia said.

Martin declined to comment on the Rodriguez and Benitez case, but said domestic violence isn't a problem with an abuser's inability to manage anger. It is about seizing power and control.

Abusers typically can manage their anger in situations where they know physical violence won't gain them anything.

At work, for instance, it is unlikely an abuser will punch his boss in the face if he disagress with something he is asked to do. Yet, he has learned physical violence will work in his intimate relationship, Martin said.

Most often, an abuser has received multiple messages in his life, perhaps from family or friends, that beating his partner is an acceptable way to solve conflict. Most abusive relationships involve men harming women, but the reverse also occurs.

"Always the underlying message is control, to dominate and wear down the partner's self-esteem," she said.

The breaking point

Domestic violence and alcoholism sometimes are manifest when a person is unable to cope with the stress he faces, said Patricia Hanberry, chief executive officer for the Mental Health Association of Frederick County.

When a person has to deal with high levels of stress for long periods of time, neccessary hormones are depleted, which can lead to panic or anxiety disorders, she said.

Everyone handles stress differently, but people need to recognize when it becomes overwhelming.

Some signals include no longer enjoying activities that used to be pleasurable and a change in eating and/or sleeping habits.

Everyone faces stress, but the challenges are compounded for immigrants, Hanberry said. Moving from one country to another is taxing, particularly if the lifestyle and cultural values of the new country differ from the old.

Throw in learning a new language, being separated from friends, family and familiar surroundings while trying to earn enough money to survive and the effects can be overwhelming, she said.

A sister of Benitez lives in Frederick , but most of the couple's family members live in Texas, California or El Salvador.

The American emphasis on acquring material belongings also can add tension for poor people who live in the United States, Hanberry said.

"I would think anybody living in this country that doesn't have money but sees it all the time, that would cause stress," she said.

Benitez's friends have said she wanted to live the American dream and pushed Rodriguez to buy their house at 1252 Danielle Drive in 2005. Some cautioned them not to buy the $196,000 house because they didn't earn enough money.

Rodriguez began working for Masonite, a door manufacturer, in 2003. Larry Repar, a company spokesman, declined to comment on how much Rodriguez earned as a frame table operator.

The company sent out notice March 15 that it would be closing in July. Benitez worked in the kitchen of restaurants. The couple also rented rooms in their three-bedroom townhouse and had some problems with renters.

Hanberry said a lot of pressure is put on men in some Latin American countries to provide for their families. If he doesn't have a job and believes he is failing in his role as a man, he will experience high levels of stress.

"We tend to think machismo is hard on the women," she said. "It isn't easy on the men either."

The couple had little time to relax or have fun together, Garcia said. They both worked and took turns watching the children.

Rodriguez was responsible, she said. He worked two jobs when his wife gave birth to their children so she would be able to recover from the deliveries.

The couple's eldest daughter, Elsa, 9, was born in El Salvador. Their other three children -- Vanessa, 4; Angel, 3; and Carena, 1 -- were born in the United States.

Help is available

Immigrants as well as U.S.-born residents need to realize it is OK to seek professional guidance to cope with stress, depression and other emotional concerns, Hanberry said.

When shame is associated with mental illness, people don't want to admit to themselves they are struggling, let alone anyone else, she said.

Immigrants face another problem -- in many Latin American countries, mental health agencies are practically non-existent, so they often don't realize those resources exist in Frederick County.

Cost can also be a hurdle, particularly for immigrants who don't have legal authorization to live in the United States. They don't qualify for medical assistance, typically don't have health insurance and don't earn much money.

Rodriguez and Benitez, who had limited English skills, had legal authorization to live in the United States. Rodriguez emigrated about nine years ago and Benitez and Elsa arrived in 2001.

Language barriers and differences in cultural norms often prevent immigrants from seeking the support they need, Martin said.

Domestic violence survivors, for instance, might be discouraged from leaving an abusive relationship if they come from a country where marriage is viewed as a lifetime committment that should never be broken -- no matter how horrible the circumstances.

The lack of bilingual counselors can be a deterrent as well, she said. Heartly House has a counselor and a victim advocate who speaks Spanish, but more are needed to keep up with the calls for help and service that the agency receives. The agency received about 13,000 calls for information and service in 2006.

While many organizations have access to interpreters via a phone-based interpretation service, survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault may be unwilling to speak openly when talking through an interpreter, Martin said.

Immigrants who have limited English skills face additional challenges because their abusers can more easily isolate them.

The abuser separates the woman from anyone who speaks her language and prevents her from learning English. Additionally, the abuser may threaten to destroy her passport or green card so she will have no proof she is in the United States legally. For undocumented survivors, the abuser may threaten to have her or her children deported.