As I was googling recently, I ran across some fascinating stuff about this time of year. I didn't realize how many bizarre quirks combine in our swirl of merriment. Most know the obvious folklore and tradition. But the pagan beliefs and rituals; the Roman mythology? OK. The huge inflated yard decorations are funny for a while ... then a little tacky ... then a neighborhood eyesore. Homer Simpson's giant belly? Santa baiting a hook on a bass boat? Only in America.
Where did other holiday customs, traditions, myths and half-truths come from? Time has made these odd traditions more twisted. Consider this unusual holiday baggage:
-- Yuletide: Sort of rolls right off the tongue, eh? According to Scandinavian descendants, tribute was paid to the pagan god Jul (pronounced yule) with a 12-day December celebration. Evergreen trees burned for a dozen days and nights in the public square. And the ever-popular yule log? What is that? Can I get one at Safeway? The "Partridge in a Pear Tree" song evolved from this 12-day party. Gifts were simple back in the day. Pears are good. I hear partridge tastes like chicken.
-- Saturnalia: Saturnalia was a Latin celebration in December to honor Saturn, the Roman god of agriculture. Thankful Romans toasted the end of the harvest season by partying hard -- a festival of excess and hedonism. In between visits to the vomitorium, Romans enjoyed massive feasting, drinking, multi-partner sex, a little gambling and more drinking.
Dolls and trinkets were given to children. Carved statues of gods and colorful candles were exchanged between adults. Through the ribaldry and decadence, all businesses were closed except the liquor stores.
-- Trees: Ah, the evergreen tree. It's been a holiday standard for hundreds of years. European peasants and Gypsies believed that spirits and fairies lived in evergreen trees, and these gremlins brought good luck -- so you do what everybody does, you drag one into your hut.
OK, we still drag them into our huts, but we pay $50 a pop to scratch our living room walls and hardwood floors. Who has not wrapped the tree in lights and discovered that the whole string is dead? How many trips to Walmart to make things work?
Germany asserts that they first decorated trees with apples, nuts, dates, pretzels and paper flowers. Frenchmen and women tell themselves that their Duchess of Orleans decorated the tree first, and we know the French must be right, right?
In America? Windsor Locks, Conn., and Easton and Lancaster, Pa., claim their fine city started decorating trees. Boston insists they introduced flair and Victorian decorations. Ohio thinks they added garland and tinsel.
We appreciate it all, but it's not over, sports fans. The credit card companies have us by the nose hairs at 19.5 percent interest; the blinking lights across the street scream through our bedroom windows well into February; our new minivan is gouged with deep dents from that huge tree we were so proud of; our vacuum cleaners overheat from pine needles; and the gifts that are now one size too small? They're out of style when we leave the customer service line at Kohl's.
The fascination and intrigue of the holiday season? It's great. Remember that in March when you step on that missing glass ornament.
Ahhh, the joys of the season ... and the season's end.
Let's take a nap and then relearn TurboTax.
... in times like these ...
Hardy R. Stone Jr.
writes from Walkersville.
(Bluepoint1@comcast.net)
