A dear friend once told me that every now and then, you have to retreat to advance. After careful thought and research, it became clear to me that the Loyola Retreat House in Faulkner was the way to go. I was headed to a three-day "silent retreat," which I was told could very well be a challenge for me.

Scheduled to attend three sessions during the course of the weekend with a spiritual director at the retreat center, with only one session of which I was permitted to speak, it was suggested that I read a passage from "The Holy Longing -- The Search for a Christian Spirituality" by Ronald Rolsheiser. He describes the four non-negotiable pillars of the spiritual life: private prayer and private morality, social justice, mellowness of heart and spirit and, lastly, being in community.

The first area is private prayer and private morality. I examined my prayer life with my director and it was suggested that my praying should be more vocal. I tend to sit in silence; being more vocal would allow the prayer to move from my head to my heart.

So now I work at praying like I used to do years ago with words spoken and in conversation as if the Spirit were right next to me, like while I am driving for example. I just hope they don't pass a law against praying while driving or I am sunk. As for private morality, I look to my wife to help rein me in so I do not overextend myself.

Social justice is the next pillar where much of my time and energies are focused. The challenge is work to balance this area with the aforementioned pillars of my spiritual journey in thought, word and deed.

Mellowness of heart and spirit is the third area that was examined. When I turn the attention on others rather than myself, a certain mellowness of heart comes through. But, if I get caught up in an issue about me I tend not to be so mellow.

"How could that person do that to me?" or making a judging statement like "I always seem to be giving to that person and they always seem to be taking." Being more interested in others tends to bring out the mellow in me and something I need to keep reminding myself to do.

Working the beatitude "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" helps me to understand this mental approach. Author Emmet Fox writes, "It is open-mindedness, faith in God and the realization that the will of God for us is always something joyous and interesting and vital, much better than anything we could think of for ourselves."

Being in a community of faith has always been a struggle for me. I sometimes justify to myself and others that I like to be in the know to what is happening in other churches and thus avoid attending and joining a church. The reality may be that I struggle with community.

In the past, struggling with difficult issues at one church moved me onto other churches rather than working the issues out in my church community. I am making some strides in this by saying the simple phrase that I apologize or receiving someone's apology and moving forward. God knows I have made my share of mistakes and to be open to forgiveness no matter what is helping me with being reconciled.

The capacity to forgive might be another pillar worth exploring at another time. Even within the world of peace and justice it is often forgotten or not mentioned, but I think it needs to be acknowledged and talked about.

This is a brief way to assess a spiritual life, and I am sure there are many other ways one can critically look at oneself to maintain a sense of balance. This approach is helping me identify what has worked and what I need to work on. It's time to get working!

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