What to get your parents or grandparents for Christmas! They don’t need anything, or so they say.  You go online or read an article in the paper and it tells you exactly what you need to buy in order to light up their bleary eyes on Christmas Day. Thank Goodness for the experts!

 

“That ‘hard to buy for’ mature woman on your list has an ever recurring need for dusting powder; writing paper and stamps are necessities they appreciate as well”, so say those people who know such things. (Does anybody still write letters … and who dusts?). “The older men in your life need remote control holders, a socket set, or grilling tools for the barbeque; when in doubt, get him a 'Chia Pet' – it’s the perfect gift”! The list goes on: get them gift cards; pay their electricity bill for a month; buy one of those phones with those huge number pads, perfect for thick paws and aging eyes. When all else fails, there’s the “Fruit of the Month” club, appropriate for men and women too.

 

This problem is not a new one. Parents and grandparents have always been the toughest names on our Christmas List. I remember how hard my father was to buy for. We’d think and think and then would just give up and get him Aqua Velva again, another new footstool, or a standing ashtray. We could never go completely wrong with a new pair of plaid Bermuda shorts because that’s what he would wear every day all winter long - he was one hot blooded Irishman. Often we would spend our hard earned babysitting money on the latest golfing gadget; a new model of an “Executive Putting Practice Green” became available just before the holidays every year. My father would set this latest edition up in the middle of the living room floor on Christmas morning - right in front of the only television in the house. Add to that insult, the new holes in the plaster ceiling, broken glass and the excessive cursing and you would think we wouldn’t have been repeating this gift year after year, but we were always just too desperate for ideas. One year, I crocheted him a set of cozy winter mittens for his “woods”. I embroidered numbers on each one out of nice fuzzy angora wool. I don’t remember ever seeing them again. 

 

Looking back on it now, I know exactly what he would have wanted for Christmas. Other than a son, he would have loved a daughter who might get him tickets to a Baltimore Colts or Oriole’s game or volunteer to caddy for him on his next golf outing. Spending time together in matching “Fighting Irish” t -shirts and sharing a passion for college sports would have been a gift both for him and for me. I didn’t know. I wish he had told me.

 

Buying for my mother was not a whole lot easier. Bed jackets, handkerchiefs, and doilies were popular gifts. A never ending selection of “Evening in Paris” colognes lined every mother’s dressing table back in the fifties. That beautiful cobalt blue Eiffel Tower bottle must have attracted the eye of little shoppers; its popularity certainly couldn’t have been because the perfume smelled so good. I remember being advised to buy the “toilet water”, a suggestion that always drew puzzling looks and muffled snickers but at least it did explain why the stuff was so cheap.

 

When my mother struggled to buy gifts for our far flung relatives, my father always said, “Get them a ham!” And she did just that, over and over again. Personally, I would rather get the swine flu than send a pig product as a present.

 

As with most things, we are now on the other side of that dilemma. Our kids need ideas and suggestions on what to buy and we truly believe it when we tell them “we don’t need a thing”. If we have a hard time coming up with something we really want, think of how hard it is for them. It’s time to be more practical and do ourselves and our kids a favor. We can break the cycle. My friend Jo keeps a mental list of things she sees and covets throughout the year. She shares that list with her children and husband and it’s a guarantee her reaction on Christmas morning will be genuine and money won’t be spent on items she would never use.