It is not unusual for one partner to be the financial matters person but it is always better when you are both actively involved. The good news is that your goals are the same. That is the first step. Next, tell him you are interested in sharing more responsibility for the finances — not only to be able to move your goals in the same direction, but also so that you know how to handle the finances in case something happened to him. Then, ask him if he could set some time aside the next time he pays the bills to show you where everything is, what the bills are and his bill-paying and record-keeping systems. If he has not had time to do so, obtain a financial planning or estate planning organizer (ask your CPA, attorney or life insurance agent) and offer to start and update a summary document of all your assets, debts, income sources and expenses, life insurance policies, key contact names and addresses etc. That way, one of you can handle the day-to-day finances and the other can tackle the documentation. Switch these jobs every year. Have a family finance meeting with an agenda once a month to go over your goals, what you are doing to accomplish them and if any adjustments need to be made. And at tax time, make sure you understand your tax return and where the numbers are derived from before you sign it.

Regardless of who normally handles the financial affairs in a family, both spouses should understand and share in the responsibilities for managing those finances. Given our current economic situation, now is an excellent time to assess your personal financial strategies. Start by 1. organizing your information: Gather all of your financial statements, determine your net worth and establish a budget. 2. Talk with each other about your goals and dreams, including funding retirement and what you anticipate you would like to do during that part of your life; saving for a college education for your children; purchasing a dream home; and anything else that is important to you. 3. Determine how you will reduce debt. 4. Understand how your retirement plans work and maximize the benefits offered to you through those plans: traditional IRAs vs. Roth IRAs, 401(k) and Roth 401(k) plans, profit-sharing plans, pension plans etc. 5. Manage employer stock options: Work with your certified financial planner to determine the best way to optimize these options and understand the decisions you need to make about them. 6. Determine if you would like to leave a legacy for charitable purposes or for your children. If all of this seems somewhat daunting, it might make sense to hire a certified financial planner professional to help you collate this information and develop a personalized financial plan for you. A good financial planner will ask you many questions and help you each understand where you are financially.

It is a great idea to take personal responsibility for your finances and understand where you are in achieving your financial goals. Having worked in a bank trust department for almost 15 years, it was quite common to see widowers come in to the bank and have no idea as to whether they had assets or not. Many had never even written a check or made an investment. This is not a very comfortable position to be in and it’s up to you to change it. I would start by sitting down with your spouse and go over all your assets. Discuss your retirement plans, bank accounts, life insurance, wills and any other assets that you have. If your spouse were to unexpectedly pass away, you would have a huge task in figuring out where all your assets were located. It is also good to talk about it with your spouse and make sure your goals are the same and that your investments in your retirement plans are coordinated. Many times spouses invest their 401(k)s separately and they have a lot of overlap in investments. Working together, you will be much more likely to meet your goals!

You’re right, you should be more involved. The main reason I say that is, heaven forbid, something happens to your husband and you are dealing with the emotional pain of that loss; the last thing you need is financial stress caused by not knowing which end is up concerning your finances. Put on a pot of coffee one morning very soon and layout your current financial affairs on the kitchen table. Your husband can help you understand how many accounts you have at banks, brokerages etc., and what type of accounts they are, as well as what they are used for. Look at and develop an understanding of what bills you have (you may learn that some of your bills are being paid automatically out of a checking account). Ask if you have any credit card debt and what the plan is, if any, to pay that debt off. You can contribute to the discussion as well. Maybe after seeing things, you’ll realize that a more planned (i.e., use coupons) approach to the grocery shopping will benefit the household. The bottom line is, unless your husband has something to hide, is a control freak, or you are too dangerous to get near the finances, there is no reason why this conversation shouldn’t take place. I’m from the school of thought that the more you discuss and play devil’s advocate about finances with your spouse and children, the better off everyone is. On second thought, maybe you should plan on two pots of coffee!