April 3, 2000: "Occasionally I get this tingling that goes down both my arms. At the same time I get a bit dizzy and get this unidentifiable 'metallic' taste in my mouth. (I'm not trying to be funny, [REDACTED]. It actually scares me a bit.) Other times it's like I'm not only sitting at my desk doing work, I'm also a few feet away watching me do it. There's nothing like living in both the first person singular AND the third person singular!"

June 27, 2000: "Even with the Celexa and the counseling, the depression episodes still come and go. That's unpleasant enough. What is REALLY scary is the paranoia ... Remember when I told you about the 'metallic' taste in my mouth that I got periodically? It's when I get these 'paranoid' episodes. Of course I regret them thoroughly when they are over, but when I'm going through them, it's as if I'm on a passenger on a ride ... Ominously, a lot of the feelings of isolation -- and desolation -- that I went through before college are returning. I don't want to relive those years again ... I've been seeing the counselor once a week."

June 28, 2000: "Apparently Gore (and maybe even Bush) is considering making the anthrax vaccine for the military voluntary, or even stopping the program. Unfortunately, since the BioPort people aren't scientists, the task of solving their problem has fallen on us ... Believe me, with all the stress of home and work, your e-mail letters to me are valuable beyond what you would ever imagine -- and they help me keep my sanity ...

June 29, 2000: "BioPort just tested its final lot of AVA (anthrax vaccine) in a potency test. If it doesn't pass, then there are no more lots to test, and the program will come to a halt. That's bad for everyone concerned, including us. I'm sure that blame will be spread around."

July 4, 2000: "The thinking now by the psychiatrist and the counselor is that my symptoms may not be those of a depression or bipolar disorder, they may be that of a 'Paranoid Personality Disorder.'"

July 6, 2000: "[REDACTED], I think the **** is about to hit the fan ... bigtime. The final lot of AVA, lot 22, isn't passing the potency test, and now there's nothing to back it up. Plus, the control vaccine isn't working. It's just a fine mess. [REDACTED] are spending probably 95 percent of our time on this."

July 7, 2000: In an e-mail, Ivins offered to be interviewed as a case study, as long as it remained anonymous. Ivins indicated that he did not want to see a headline in the National Inquirer that read, "PARANOID MAN WORKS WITH DEADLY ANTHRAX!!!"

July 23, 2000: "It's been a really stressful week, from all stand points. Home, work, and it's not going well with the counselor I'm going to. (She said she thinks [REDACTED] I'm going to have to ask to get put with another counselor or into a group session ... Sometimes I think that it's all just too much."

Aug. 12, 2000: "Last Saturday, as you probably guessed from my e-mail, was one of my worst days in months. I wish I could control the thoughts in my mind. It's hard enough sometimes controlling my behavior. When I'm being eaten alive inside, I always try to put on a good front here at work and at home, so I don't spread the pestilence ... I get incredible paranoid, delusional thoughts at times, and there's nothing I can do until they go away, either by themselves or with drugs."

Aug. 29, 2000: "[REDACTED] are 10 percent of the Bacteriology Division. If we quit the anthrax program and BioPort would go down the drain. I'm not boasting, [REDACTED] but the three of us have a combined total of 52 years of research experience with anthrax. You can't just go out and find someone like [REDACTED] with their knowledge, skill and abilities. Ain't gonna happen."

Mar. 4, 2001: "The people in my group just don't pick up on what I try to say. They are not into the kinds of problems I bring up, so it's hard for them to deal with them. The psychiatrist is helpful only because he prescribes the Celexa. He's not that easy to talk to, and he doesn't really pick up on my problems. The woman I saw before I went into group wanted to get me put in jail. That wasn't very helpful either. I'm down to a point where there are some things that are eating away that I feel I can't tell ANYONE"

Sept. 7, 2001: "I was taken off the Special Immunization Program because of what happened last spring, and I've just gotten back on it, getting my anthrax and Yellow fever shots. We are currently finishing up the last of the AVA, and when that is gone, there's nothing to replace it with. I don't know what will happen to the research programs and hot suite work until we get a new lot. There are no approved lots currently available at BioPort [REDACTED] has been having us have biweekly meetings on the rPA vaccine progress, and on August 29 I went to the Pentagon -- first time there -- to go to a meeting in his place on the vaccine. There is a real bag of worms with a new lot of rPA produced by the BDP (a private company) for NCI, who is under contract to USAMRIID. BDP signed a sub-contract with to produce the rPA for human use vaccine Phase I trial. They were paid and they produced it. Now they are refusing to release it unless the Army pays some incredible sum of money for lawsuit indemnification (about $200,000 per year for the next 50 years). The Army refuses to do that of course, and everything is in Limbo."

Sept. 15, 2001: "I am incredibly sad and angry at what happened, now that it has sunk in. Sad for all the victims, their families, their friends. And angry. Very angry. Angry at those who did this, who support them, who coddle them, and who excuse them."

Sept. 26, 2001: "Of the people in my 'group,' everyone but me is in the depression/sadness/flight mode for stress. I'm really the only scary one in the group. Others are talking about how sad they are or scared they are, but my reaction to the WTC/Pentagon events is far different. Of course, I don't talk about how I really feel with them -- it would just make them worse. Seeing how differently I reacted than they did to the recent events makes me really think about myself a lot. I just heard tonight that Bin Laden terrorists for sure have anthrax and sarin gas. You [REDACTED]."

In the Sept. 26 e-mail, Ivins states "Osama Bin Laden has just decreed death to all Jews and all Americans" -- language similar to the text of the anthrax letters postmarked two weeks later warning "DEATH TO AMERICA," "DEATH TO ISRAEL."

Oct. 16, 2001: Ivins' co-worker said to former co-worker in an e-mail, "Bruce has been an absolute manic basket case the last few days."

Dec. 15, 2001: "I made up some poems about having two people in one (me + the person in my dreams):

I'm a little dream self, short and stout

I'm the other half of Bruce -- when he lets me out

When I get all steamed up, I don't pout

I push Bruce aside, them [sic] I'm Free to run about!

Hickory dickory Doc -- Doc Bruce ran up the clock.

But something then happened in very strange rhythm.

His other self went and exchanged places with him.

So now, please guess who

Is conversing with you.

Hickory dickory Doc!

Bruce and this other guy, sitting by some trees,

Exchanging personalities.

It's like having two in one.

Actually it's rather fun!

Source: Affadavit in support of search warrant

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