In fact, we can pretty much label these modern-day medicine men and women swine -- ironic, in fact, because the latest target for dipping into the pool of fear and drawing out quarters is the H1N1 virus pandemic, also known as "swine" flu.

We can take comfort that in this latest get-rich-quick scheme, the Food and Drug Administration is going on the offensive.

The federal agency has released a palette of swine flu cure-alls, tinctures, snake oil and such uncleared, unproven and unauthorized. Here's some.

n A shampoo that claims to protect against the virus. (A shampoo? Seriously?)

n A dietary supplement to protect infants and young children (prey on the fears for our kids -- nice).

n A supplement that claims to cure H1N1 infection in four to eight hours.

n A spray to coat your hands in "ionic silver" that kills the virus.

n Unapproved diagnostic tests.

n (Most incredibly of all É ) An electronic instrument that is claimed to use "photobiotic energy" and "deeply penetrating mega-frequency life-force energy waves" to strengthen the immune system and prevent H1N1 symptoms.

Seriously? "Photobiotic energy"? If you believe that, I've an empty cardboard box I can sell you. It has "photobiotics" scrawled on the outside in crayon.

You can get more details from the FDA's website, where they've collated a spreadsheet full of bogus cures (www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/h1n1flu).

That last one reminds me of that scene in "Napoleon Dynamite" where Uncle Rico buys a time machine online in the hopes of reliving his football glory days. Desperation and fear make people do strange things.

"Consumers who purchase products to treat the novel H1N1 virus that are not approved, cleared or authorized by the FDA for the treatment or prevention of influenza risk their health and the health of their families," said Mike Chappell, acting FDA associate commissioner for regulatory affairs.

In fact, the FDA is taking the whole thing so seriously, it's released a widget, a little fact box that can be copied and pasted onto bloggers' websites to spread the news. The widget automatically updates the latest fraudulent H1N1 products.

Since May, the agency has warned more than 75 websites to stop selling 135 products related to swine flu.

Only two drugs are FDA-approved to treat H1N1: Tamiflu and Relenza, according to the agency.

The upshot is, if it's not FDA approved, it probably won't be any good for you. Don't let fear push you toward the snake oil.

If you suspect that a product is fraudulent, the FDA wants you to contact them: www.fda.gov/oci/flucontact.html.

Cliff Cumber is an assistant city editor at The Frederick News-Post. Frederick Watchdog can be contacted by e-mailing watchdog@newspost.com or following on Twitter at twitter.com/FNPwatchdog.

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