More often than not, domestic abuse begins with words, so Jaslean LaTaillade believes teaching couples to communicate can save relationships and lives.LaTaillade, assistant professor of family studies at the University of Maryland in College Park and research director for the university's Couples Abuse Prevention Program, advocates for early intervention. If couples talk in hurtful ways or are verbally or physically aggressive, counseling before the situation escalates to violence can help them learn to talk in ways that may prevent dangerous behavior, she said.
"CAPP is designed to help couples resolve conflicts in constructive ways and enhance the quality of their relationships before they become physically abusive," said Norman Epstein, director of the university's Marriage and Family Therapy Program. "The therapy sessions focus on improving communication skills, building trust, managing anger and enhancing the couple's ability to enjoy their time together."
CAPP, he stressed, is not intended for couples whose physical acts have led to injuries.
LaTaillade, Epstein and their colleague Carol Werlinich published "Conjoint Treatment of Intimate Partner Violence: A Cognitive Behavior Approach" in the November 2006 Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy. The article notes violent couples typically display similar characteristics -- warning signs -- before severe domestic violence episodes.
Many men and women still see mild to moderate physical aggression as acceptable, LaTaillade said, and what some couples might consider acceptable includes "bi-lateral aggression." For example, a woman throws a glass and a man responds with a push or a shove.
As a therapist and researcher, LaTaillade knows this behavior is often linked with subsequent, more serious aggression.
"More often than not É behaviors like slapping, pushing or grabbing É are signs," she said. "Although less likely to cause any injury, violent couples share this early trait."
If physical aggression has crossed the line into battery -- a means of control meant to instill fear of retribution -- LaTaillade said it's necessary to leave the relationship.
She lists four significant risk factors of severe domestic violence:
lower levels of violence as a precursor; verbal abuse, including psychological and emotional abuse and threats; alcohol, drugs and substance abuse; acceptance of violence, which may have been passed down from families."A man, for example, might be conditioned to believe that if his partner doesn't agree with him -- it's OK to use violence as a means to an end and justify it by telling himself that's what a 'real' man does," LaTaillade said.
Violence establishes a hierarchy in the relationship, she said, and serious abusers typically first make pleas with implied threats. "They'll say things like they'd rather be dead than be with someone else."
CAPP counseling works to teach couples how to resolve conflicts without being verbally abusive, hostile or threatening.
To resolve conflicts peacefully, couples need practical communication skills and must attend to their own emotions, LaTaillade said.
"It's hard to resolve anything when we are upset. A lot of the counseling is about self-regulating skills and self-care, and remaining aware of the positive aspects of the relationship and one's partner during a disagreement is a big part of that."
Couples must learn to express themselves instead of blaming each other for how they feel, LaTaillade said, and they need to address issues one at a time, rather than presenting laundry lists of transgressions. They must be able to clearly state their feelings and insecurities.
In an eight-year pilot study at College Park's Center for Healthy Families, LaTaillade and her colleagues have documented a decrease in negative feelings, verbal abuse and yelling between at-risk couples. They've seen increased happiness among participants and satisfaction in their relationships.
However, by agreeing to participate, she said, these couples have shown a willingness to change.
In cases where abused women decide to separate from their partners, they must recognize they are most at risk immediately after they leave, LaTaillade said, and should do what they can to maximize their safety.
"It's interpreted by the batterer as the ultimate act of betrayal."
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