You would be shocked — shocked! — to learn how many public figures in Frederick would refuse to go on the record when it comes to naming a flavor of ice cream.

I don’t blame them, of course — who knew a logo would spark such outrage in the community — yet as Fredericktonians, you giveth and you taketh and what you took from me was the ability to have a fun-loving conversation about ice cream with anyone whose name you might know.

Fear not, though, because Hometown Harvest Kitchen was packed to the brim Tuesday afternoon as South Mountain Creamery unveiled its brand-new flavor of the stuff. The fun goes like this:

1. You try the ice cream.

2. You think about it for anywhere between 15 seconds and, say, a month.

And 3. You vote on what you believe this new flavor of ice cream should be called.

Currently, according to one of the very busy scoopers behind the counter, the people at South Mountain call it “Key City.” When I asked her if they would keep the name in the unfortunate circumstance that all the suggestions they receive add up to something less than par, I’m not quite sure she knew what to do because I’m not quite sure anyone who matters actually thought of that scenario beforehand.

Either way, her wordless reaction amounted to an interpretation of this: Come up with a name, people. Or else .

The ice cream itself was good, if not great, for a sweltering late July afternoon. It’s chocolate-based, so there’s that. It also has salted caramel swirl and pecans. Therefore a name like “Francis Scott Key-Lime-Pie” would not only be woefully inaccurate, but also too long for any reasonably sized packaging label.

Now, I know what you’re wondering. What’s the most surprising result from sitting at an ice cream place for an hour, asking strangers what they would name chocolate ice cream? So glad you asked. It was actually the fact that even those who weren’t wary of going on the record had a tough time coming up with something on the spot (shouts to the woman I talked to, looked me in the eyes and walked away without saying a word after I simply asked her “What would you name it?”!).

Still, I’m nothing if not persistent, so I’d like to share with you, the sweet-toothed reader, the gaggle of names I received while asking patrons what they would name the ice cream, were they given the opportunity to name it. Which, by the way, they are, as I said, via an actual suggestion box at the restaurant or online. The winning name will eventually be announced at The Great Frederick Fair.

As for now, though, saddle up to these suggestions.

- The Justin Saltzman ice cream. Sure, while that’s hella creative, it seems to be missing the mark on people not named Justin Saltzman. Still a strong candidate, though.

- Schifferstadt Smash. Perhaps the most aggressive name floated out there Tuesday, Matt Doyle and Patti Maluchnik should be proud of a suggestion that would clearly fall in line with most Dairy Queen “special” Blizzards, like “Sufferin Succotash Smash” or “Smash: The NBC Musical.”

- Chocktoberfest. Ahhh, you see what Andy Baum did there? Anything that gives a nod to both chocolate and a beer-drinking festival is all right in my book.

- Fritchie’s Fudge. Amanda Lee for the win! Right? People say “for the win,” don’t they? Anyway, this feels like a strong contender, considering “Barbara’s Brownie Batter” feels a little too long?

- Creek Side Crunch. It’s by the creek. It’s crunchy. What more could you ask for? Probably a name attached to it, but this suggestion came with the promise of anonymity. And no, the person’s name doesn’t rhyme with “Schme-yonce.” OK, who am I kidding. Beyonce was there.

- Clustered Spires Crunch. Amy Bowman’s brainchild hits the mark with the crunch, and it’s the only suggestion I was able to find that incorporated the clustered spires, which definitely earns her points. Let’s see if she has any experience drawing a lo ... wait. Never mind.

And finally, my favorite:

- The Frederick Ice Cream. This came from an elderly woman standing behind me in line who just wanted some ice cream and had no idea that this was going on. Little did she know she was walking into a line that extended through the shop, nearly out onto the creek. Still, it’s accurate, to the point, and sympathetic, considering she was just there to cool down and wound up at an ice cream social.

So, what do you think? Voting continues through the end of August.

Follow Colin McGuire on Twitter: @colinpadraic.

(5) comments

tcollins7906

Yawn....

gardenwhimsey

"...you giveeth and you takeeth and what you took from me was..." - the correct spellings are giveth & taketh

Reader1954

to bad chocolate city is taken

Dwasserba

Effinecker

rikkitikkitavvi

"Liberal nut city" sounds about right. Add some rainbow sprinkles and you could have a ball with it.

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