The helicopter tilted forward slightly as it touched down on the green disc of closely-clipped grass.

“Careful, careful,” the portly man said, watching from the clubhouse at the Trump National Golf Club in Virginia. “That’s my lunch you’ve got in there.”

“Where’s Marine One?” he asked, turning to the aide standing just behind him.

“It’s in the shop, Mr. President. Something about the rotor rattling. This one’s a rental. M-1 will be back in service soon.”

Donald J. Trump Sr. squinted. “Huey, Dewey and Louie Delivery Services,” he said, reading the multi-colored logo painted on the side of the little chopper. “Never heard of it.”

He sighed as he looked out across the coiffed expanse reaching all the way to the banks of the Potomac River. His Sterling golf resort was luxurious, but it wasn’t the White House. His security guys were always close by, but they weren’t the Secret Service. And the food was good, but it wasn’t the fare he got when he had an entire culinary staff at his beck and call.

So he ordered a lot of takeout.

“Make sure you tell ‘em who I am,” he’d say to his staff. “Make sure you tell ‘em I’m still the president,” he’d warn. “And tell ‘em that this place, right here, this is the real White House, for now, and I’m in charge.”

“Yes, sir,” the aide always said. “We remind them every time.

“Now, would you like to review your afternoon schedule, sir?”

“Yeah, what’s up,” Trump said.

“Well, that Mr. Biden fellow called again and asked if he could talk to you, around 1:30 perhaps, about where you might have left the key for the Oval Office desk.”

“Fat chance,” Trump replied.

“He’d also like to know where the phone list is for the Pentagon, the CIA and the NSA.”

“Wouldn’t everybody?” Trump snickered.

“And Fox News would like an interview about your plans to have your own parade down Pennsylvania Avenue on Jan. 19.”

“Those traitors aren’t gettin’ nothin’,” Trump growled. “I’d sooner talk to Blitzer.”

“That’s about it, then, sir. You wanted the rest of the day for golf.”

“How about Mr. Giuliani?” Trump asked. “He’s supposed to be here, isn’t he?”

“Mr. Giuliani was here, sir, for his appointment at 10 but you weren’t available. You were still in the salon, for your hair weave. But he left a report on the election fraud lawsuits.”

“Oh, poop, I forgot. What does the report say?”

“It says the suit in Pennsylvania isn’t going well because the Punxsutawney Township magistrate says he doesn’t have any authority in Philadelphia.”

“How about the case in Michigan?” Trump asked.

“The justice of the peace in Cheboygan recused himself because his wife, nephew, cousin and sister-in-law were the poll workers. He suggested you try the county Drug Court instead, but he denies that the vote count was messed up.”

“Well, what’s going on in Georgia?”

“The Family Court there says it’s overloaded with Republican squabbles and doesn’t have the time.”

“So what about the Supremes?” Trump said angrily. “They owe me one, big time.”

“The report says they’re not answering the phone,” the aide answered. “But Mr. Giuliani told me he did have one piece of good news. He said the bankruptcy court in New York will take your case.”

“I figured that. They know me, I know them,” Trump said. ”But they want documents, documents, documents.”

He yawned. “OK, that’s enough for today. Have ‘em get my clubs. You want to drive the cart?”

(13) comments

Greg F

We really have had enough Trumps for one century or so. We certainly don't need another wannabe dipsh*t dictator toddler coming in and further destroying everything he touches. He literally is the opposite of King Midas....and turns everything he touches into feces. History will not be kind to him, nor his followers. How he is handling his loss is saying volumes about him. Same with his rabid followers who met by the thousands in DC without masks (of course). I have zero sympathy to any of them that get sick. Now another of Trump's minions is calling for revolting against common sense measures to combat the serious surges. Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. What do they think will happen? https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/15/politics/scott-atlas-coronavirus-michigan/index.html

DickD

Story ended before the finally. The Butlers, dressed as prison guards come to take POTUS, Trump to Alcatraz, for his vacation on the ROCK.

Greg F

Spot on...

phydeaux994

Mr. Elliott, you are in the top 1 of the FNP Board of Contributors right now. Thanks.

jerseygrl42

more garbage from the henhouse

Piedmontgardener

A sign of emotional maturity is being able to take well written satire as it is, rather than what it triggers in you.

NewMarketParent

@Piedmontgardener

There's definitely a reason why almost all comedians tend to be liberal.

jerseygrl42

the problem is its not well written , rather its a continuing barrage of nonsense and untruths

pdl603

Jersey, agreed. Such bs from the party of love and tolerance.

Greg F

As usual, there’s piddle chiming in with nonsense over facts. Your guy is doing scorched earth now in the way out. He is as unAmerican as it gets. He is clearly sabotaging efforts on the virus and transition and continuing to scream at the checkout line for his candy that he wants. He is a cancer, as are those like you, Joisycow and the usual crew who show up to spout idiotic notions that somehow trump won, and that he is a savior. He is more likely the Antichrist and sure acts like it and fits the biblical descriptions.

Greg F

Oh...piddle...your party of love waives confederate flags and Nazi flags at rallies and puts kids in cages....and loses the parents.

Greg F

And you are the hen joisycow. Cackling about stupid ideas as usual.

NewMarketParent

Thank you for this bit of satire.

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