Dear Post Office,
I was hoping to get in touch with you about getting my box back.
You see, I mailed a box with you back on the 14th of December and it seems to be sitting in Baltimore since the 15th. The box was intended for Ohio and I’m not really sure how it ended up 60 miles in the opposite direction, but no matter, I guess you have your procedures. It’s just that it’s been 14 days now sitting in your warehouse.
I don’t mind so much that the nut rolls are probably no longer fit to eat, and if you don’t have the time to deliver the mail, I understand, it’s been a rough year for all of us and people were sending way more stuff through the mail.
And while I would have thought that such a boom in business would have been, well, good for business from your perspective, maybe you look at it differently. It’s just that your competitors seem to be doing just fine, and on top of their extra packages this season, they’re even delivering vaccines — even though all these extra packages and vaccines probably weren’t on their business plan for this season either.
Anyway, when you finally figure out the direction to Ohio, you should be going right by Frederick again — at least I think you will, who can say? Could you maybe drop that box back off here? I’ll take it from here. It’s just that Siri says I could have walked to Ohio by now.
Thanks, post office. You can keep the money.